Total Transparency

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Dear sisters,

I am writing you today to be transparent in my journey through life. I am a sinner. I struggle with selfishness, ingratitude, and anger. I also struggle with trusting Jesus. Because I am a sinner, I need Jesus all the more.

It has been awhile since I’ve actually participated in Mass sitting in the Church. Often and regularly, I tune into Mass using EWTN. Getting in to the actual parish to attend Mass is much more of a struggle. You see, I struggle with anxiety. Social settings trigger waves of anxiety in me. I know I need Jesus. I also fear people. Here is the deal. I’m hoping by being transparent in my struggles that other women will connect and will also support me in my journey.

Often, it is simple to talk myself out of attending Mass. I can justify things. I can lean into old habits. I can flounder in my faith. That is not who I want to be. I desire to be a faithful Catholic. I desire to grow and have Jesus cleans my soul. I desire to perfect my experience while traveling through this journey on Earth. It is my goal to at least actually attend Mass in person and body once a month. If I can start that habit and release the fear that grips my heart, maybe I will be able to attend more often than that.

I share this, so you understand the person behind the keyboard, social media, and blog is a living, breathing soul with issues…just like you. We all have struggles. The more open we are about them, the less power they have over us. Please pray for me, as I am praying for you.

What are the Seven Sacraments?

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The Catholic Church teaches that there are seven sacraments. The are (in no particular order) Eucharist, Baptism, Confirmation, Marriage, the Priesthood, Reconciliation, and Anointing the Sick. Each of these sacraments helps reveal Grace to the Church.

To me the sacraments are God’s gift to the Church. Allowing us to fully experience Him and His mercy while getting to worship Him. That may be an oversimplified definition, but it is one that I am able to process, understand, share, and act out.

At some point in the near future there will be a post about the Eucharist, transubstantiation, and my conversion story. Until then, I just want you, dear reader, to be aware that the sacraments exist and they are good. I will post some links below to offer you more information about the sacraments.

A New Journey on an Old Path

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Greetings! I have taken about 2 months off from consistently posting on Teal Guava. It has been a doozie of a summer and spring. The good news is I’m back and I’m stronger for the time away.

As far as my personal journey…those of you who follow the blog know that I have bipolar disorder. I don’t hide my disease and quite often am very outspoken about mental health issues. Here’s the deal. After my dad dying in October, my dog dying in March, David kicking me out at the end of April and all this going on while my doctor wasn’t listening to me and my medication stopped working led to my third hospitalization from bipolar disorder.

I can say that I successfully completed the 7 week program and I am SO much stronger than I was before. I have a new doctor, a medication that works, and a great therapist. I’m good to go!

Through the journey of self discovery while I was hospitalized, I remembered how important my faith is to me. You see, I’m a Catholic convert. I came into the Church in 2013. The journey of my conversion has been an ongoing process. The whole of that story I shall tell at another time. After cohabitating for 3 years, I’ve learned I never want to do that again. Ever. I’ve also learned that Mary leads us back to Jesus every time.

All this to say, I’m still going to write about finances, health, and the like. I’m also going to be writing about faith. You don’t have to have the same faith or any faith to continue to read this blog. I just ask that you listen with an open heart and listen through love.

I’m excited to bring you the journey of me coming back into the Church and all that this entails. I’m excited to share my faith and my hope with you, dear reader. I’m excited to start this journey.

Living Catholic…

I am a Catholic convert. I entered the Church on March 30, 2013. Since then I haven’t been the best Catholic. I have been so ashamed. Feeling so much guilt and anxiety, I can’t even bring myself to go to confession regularly. (Which most likely would make me feel better, no doubt.)

I want to be more. Be a better person. Day by day I pray I’ll get there. I am starting the journey back to Jesus and the Eucharist. Where do I start? The rosary. Every time. That is what started my journey into the Church back in the early 00s. That, to me, is where I find Jesus best.

I am starting a journey of praying a rosary a day. I would appreciate it if you would join me in this journey. It is my prayer that Jesus reveals himself through this journey in a way that I can’t talk myself out of or ignore. It is my prayer that peace will be give through this journey…as simple as it is. As routine as it is. I’ve found that when things start falling apart it is best to go back to what we know works and what is simple and has routine. This is the rosary for my faith journey.

Here are links to how to pray the rosary. Also, If you have an Alexa enabled device…she is also able to lead you through the rosary if you need guidance. Also, ETWN offers the rosary twice daily.

Be Warned…

I love Jesus. I also curse. A lot.

There may or may not be language in future posts. I can promise it will be skillfully placed for expression purposes, if it does happen. I just wanted to warn those who are offended by skillful use of language, so they can remove themselves. Still love you.

My Theology

Everyone has a faith story…even atheists. There’s a reason people believe what they believe or don’t believe at all. My faith journey is no different.

I remember as a young child kneeling beside my grandmother and praying for Jesus to live in my heart. I couldn’t have been more than 4 or 5.

I grew up in church. The Christian Church/Church of Christ to be more specific. And when it came time for college, I went to Atlanta Christian College (Point University).

I ended up with an Early Childhood degree and a minor in Biblical Studies. Somewhere along the way of getting the degree…I began to lose my faith.

Fast forward through 2 divorces, a conversion to Catholicism, and 20 years…somehow my heart still seeks Jesus. I don’t care so much for organized religion. I struggle with the concept of legal marriage vs. spiritual marriage. I struggle with the church’s inclusion of ALL…or the lack thereof. That being said, I love Jesus. A lot. I pray. I love others and I love God. That at it’s essence is my theology. Love God. Love others.